Avoided Conversations Become Culture

The conversation you avoid today becomes the culture you accept tomorrow.

I've seen it happen in the military, and I see it in organisations today. A leader notices someone's performance slipping, or behaviour that isn't aligned with the standards of the team. They know they should address it, but there's always a reason to leave it for another day.

Maybe they're busy. Maybe they're worried about damaging the relationship. Maybe they hope the problem will sort itself out.

Most of the time, it doesn't and this inaction can be one of the biggest mistakes leaders and organisations make.

The behaviour becomes normalised. The rest of the team notices that poor performance goes unchallenged, and high performers quietly become frustrated because they're carrying more of the load.

The person at the centre of it never receives the feedback they need to improve, and eventually the leader is left with a much bigger problem than the one they were trying to avoid.

Sometimes that person is moved into another role. Sometimes they're given responsibilities that are easier to manage. To everyone watching, it looks like poor performance has actually been rewarded.

I've always believed that one of the primary responsibilities of leadership is to help people become the best versions of themselves. This sometimes means having the conversations that others avoid.

Done well, these conversations aren't about blame or punishment. They're about being honest enough to give someone the opportunity to improve before the issue becomes part of their reputation.

In my experience, most performance problems don't begin with capability. They begin with a conversation that never happened.

That's why I believe difficult conversations are one of the most important leadership skills we can teach.

It is a skill. It can be taught and it can always be improved.

Great leaders have the conversations others avoid and do it in a way that strengthens trust and helps people be the best versions of themselves.